Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
