dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
