The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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