Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
