I just pynch a tree in the face
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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