I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
