I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Green mimosas i think yes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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