I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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