this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
