You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
