I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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