Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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