i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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