I think my fart just growled at me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
