I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
