I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
