Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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