last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
