Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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