she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
