I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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