Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
