I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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