He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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