Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
