I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Don't make out with my wife yet
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
