During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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