Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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