I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
