Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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