What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
