Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
