Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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