I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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