He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can text with my tongue
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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