Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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