I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
