I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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