that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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