It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
