my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
