we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
