I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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