apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
