So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
