he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
