call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
