We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
