the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
