I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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